Sunday, June 21, 2009 Y
Finally the rubber band snapped.
Yea.. And I'm the rubber band.
Stretchable, but snapped.
Maybe, I should really thank you for that message. For triggering my tear glands, for allowing myself 1 hour not doing anything, for letting me know that facing the fan doesn't help to dry your tears, for letting me know that by allowing the tears to flow down and don't touch your eyes wouldn't make your eyes reddish and swollen, for letting me know something else.. Important.
Upset, for trying so hard and nobody understand.
Upset, for trying so hard to save every second I can, so hopefully I can have some time for myself.
Upset, for trying to finish some questions during my practical to save time, but was mocked at, 'Wah so fast do liao ah.. No wonder can score full marks lah!'.
Upset, for having to work on my assignments during my break at work when I used to be taking a nap.
Upset, for having to email my friends and lecturers about assignments secretly during work.
Upset, that I'm already doing 1 assignment faster than the rest, but still do not have time for myself.
Upset, that I broke my promise when I really do not have that intention.
Upset, that my gastric problem relapsed when I'm stressed up.
Upset, that I'm missing so much things and people around me.
Upset, that I never have much time set aside for my mom.
Upset, that I actually rejected my mom when she left soup for me after school all because I wanted to have a little bit more time to do my assignment, wash up and go to bed in the shortest time.
Upset, that I vented my anger on my mom because I'm so tired.
Upset, that I scolded my mom for not waking me up to do my assignment, when all she wanted was to let me have more sleep.
Upset, that I didn't have much time to plan for my birthday bash and my dear jie mei had to plan most of the things.
But, I can't blame anyone for all the misunderstandings cos I brought this upon myself.. Nobody knows all that had happened. Nobody knows I have 4 mid-term papers, 11 lab reports, 1 main assignment, 2 essays, 1 presentation to complete within 3 months 2 weeks. Nobody knows it wasn't my choice to have 5 modules, people thought I was the one who opted for 5 modules. Nobody knows it wasn't my choice to work full-time and study part-time, people thought I wanted to earn pocket money. Nobody knows how tired I am, that I'm so afraid to sleep on the bus and I'll miss the stop. Nobody knows how sick I am, eating from the same kopitiam, same few stalls everyday. Nobody knows how much I miss my mom's soup that I used to drink everyday last time.
Just like that JW said -- Communication. Without saying all these, nobody knows. I don't wish to sound as if I'm making a mountain out of a molehill. But if I do, I'm sorry.
But still, I'm extremely grateful to those who stood beside me all these while, and still standing now. Thanks for being there when I need a listening ear, thanks for all the jokes and attempts to cheer me up when I'm down. I apologize for having to keep you guys waiting for the day I'm free, I know planning all these are not easy, I apologize for not able to be there when needed, I apologize for being kinda blur sometimes.
No intention to pointing anybody, just a platform for me to let off steam.
This wasn't the original content I thought of blogging. Was actually thinking of sharing the joy that my group presented the best slides for my anatomy presentation. Though I'm kinda pissed cos the slides were according to my style, now that my lecturer said it's the best, I bet people will start following the same style for the next presentation, and my style wouldn't be unique anymore.
Oh well... *sighs*
Don't worry peeps, I'm just kinda down today.
Think I'm just too tired. I'll be fine after a sleep.
No comments on this post, please.
Thanks.
and I miss you already
1:13 AM
