Tuesday, October 25, 2011 Y
ok I'm here. I know I haven't been coming here for some time, but never did I expect it to be so long. I guess this is the longest "break" ever since I started blogging.
So how's life? -- Bad.
Things started to go down the hill after a "deadly" lab test. It was chaotic and demoralizing cos one of the invigilators is "corrupted". In the end, 3 out of 68 passed the test and the Director of the school actually has the cheek to blame the students. Isn't it obvious that it has something to do with the school when so many students failed. Don't see why someone as the Director could fail to deduce from the result.
Also, it was the first time tears flowed out of my eyes just before I reached home. But of course, my sadness wasn't entirely due to the lab test, but because of some other stuff as well. It was kinda like my pillar came tumbling down on me. Mom said I was under too much stress and told me to cry my eyes out that night and indeed I did. But the thing is.. I couldn't stop.
Tears kept flowing while I was showering, thought I would be fine after the shower, but the tears didn't stop. I was still crying when I was having supper while watching TV drama series and drying my hair.
Ever since then, I realized I tear very easily. Be it working on my excel file at work, that few minutes before I sleep or simply by listening to songs over the radio, I had to suppress myself from tearing. I bet I can win the crying contest to tear within 10 seconds. Those who see me at that period of time will still see me with a smile (probably with a pair of puffy and tiring looking eyes) cos I tried not to let my thoughts run wild. I was worried that I would develop into depression, but thank goodness I didn't have all the symptoms.
I'm glad I'm much better now though the amount of weight on my shoulder remains the same or maybe even more due to family, work, studies and friends.. at least now I'm able to control my tear glands from being hyperactive.
A small girl carrying a heavy weight alone... wonder how long can she last..
For all the stress on me and worries I have, I can only blame myself for not being the kind who complains a lot or shares my worries to those around me and for being the kind that people approaches, leading to accumulated inputs and less outputs.
Though this period of time was truly upsetting and lonely, it was when I know who are those who really listened when I speak. It's even more heart-warming when it was just some trivial matters and yet someone whom I thought wasn't really close, actually noted it.
Exams are coming up next month. Most probably I'll MIA again till then.. We'll see..
Listen to the main song of drama series on Channel 8 at 12mn every weekday.. Heart-wrenching...
and I miss you already
10:49 PM
